The Science of Well-being

Warning! Long and wordy blog post, forgive me. 

So I'm currently studying Psychology and as of late I've been reading up on something called 'positive psychology', which partly looks at what us humans need to be 'happy'. Kind of ironic, seeing as this studying lark is making me want to tear my hair out. Now, if you asked me what I needed to be truly happy right now I would probably say the following:

• £1,000,000,000 give or take 
• An unlimited amount of chocolate to attempt to satisfy my insatiable cravings
• A pony 
• Another pony to keep that pony company
• A nice, chilled glass of wine 
• A bigger pair of boobs (which I suppose I wouldn't have to worry about if I already had the funds, I'm not asking much)

Apparently, although I'm pretty sure all of the above would give me that *little* boost, money ain't all that... and probably none of the other 100 materialistic things I could reel off to you are either. 

Without getting to wordy and technical, we all have a set-point or default level of happiness, usually determined by our genes. This set-point is a stable measure and usually doesn't waiver too much unless major life events occur i.e. death of a relative. However, after a certain period of time a healthy  person would return to that default level of happiness eventually. This set-point counts for 50% of our  overall happiness.

So that's 50% accounted for... Our life circumstances which includes our education level, martial status, income, culture etc. makes up a mere 10%of our overall happiness. I couldn't believe this when I first read it as to me, money = happiness. Money would solve most of, if not all my problems. A study by Diener and Oishi surveyed thousands of students across 41 countries and they found people who valued love more than money reported a far higher life satisfaction than those who were money-orientated.

Of course, winning £1,000,000,000 would make me very bloody happy. However, although changing life circumstances could increase my happiness in the short term,  us humans are good at becoming habituated to our circumstances very easily. This means that although your happiness would improve, it would go back to your stable level of happiness quite quickly.  It's called hedonic adaptation for all you fellow nerds out there. For example, I remember upgrading my car from a rusty, old Ford KA to a nearly new Ford Fiesta. Well, when I drove that car off of the forecourt, I wanted to put my shades on, roll those windows down and and blast my music (I wanted to, but I didn't. I'm not a complete nobhead). For the first few months, it felt good and it made me happy to drive that car. A year has passed and now I look at it and I don't get that special feeling I used to (special feeling? car fetish alert). This was because, I was used to it, I'd become accustomed to it. I know a Ford Fiesta and one billion pounds are quite different things, but the process is just the same.

The last 40% of our overall happiness is made up by something called intentional activity. These are things we commit to and practice to enhance our happiness and well-being. This could be things like giving yourself that break even if it's an hour to destress and do something you enjoy whether that be play sports, or pamper yourself in the bath.

It also includes mindful thinking, such as gratitude. A simple exercise that helped me when I was feeling low was at the end of the day to think of three things that I was grateful for that day... I'm forever grateful for Channing Tatum for example.

In all seriousness, it really does help and because you're thinking of all the things you are grateful for, you stop thinking about the negative stuff! Especially good if you've had a crappy day. I think it's awesome that I can pretty much double my level of happiness by doing stuff I love to do. So I've made a list of things I want to do over the next few months:

• Socialise more with my friends. As we get older commitments get in the way but I really want to put in the effort to arrange meet-ups. 
• Get back into horse riding. It was my passion when I was younger and I loved to do it!
• Have more Lush bubble baths - for me it's the ultimate way to relax
• Carry on going to the gym on a regular basis, remember those endorphins
• Plan more short trips away

So there you have it, that's my list of what I think are quite achievable goals to make myself happier. And I don't think I will need that £1,000,000,000 after all. 

Even just spending 10 minutes reminiscing about what makes you happy makes you feel good in the moment. If you do make a list of intentional activities let me know what is on yours :)

Lucy x

Sources:

Diener, E and Oishi, S (2000) Money and Happiness: Income and subjective well-being across nations 

Dresdner Kleinwort Wasserstein Securities Limited 2004, http://www.lifecho.com/files/happiness.pdf

Getting out of your comfort zone

I really quite like my comfort zone. It feels... well... comfortable. When I'm in my comfort zone, I'm confident, bubbly and I feel positive. I'll be cracking jokes, acting the clown and relaxed within myself.

However, push me an inch out of that trusty zone of comfort and my body rushes with adrenaline, the old anxiety kicks in and I get so self-conscious I'll either become a mute or just can't stop talking nonsense. I'll get so self-conscious I'll even worry about the way I'm walking or the way my hands are positioned(!) That may sound ridiculous to the majority of people, and yes, it probably is, but when that feeling comes over me I feel very aware of every little thing I say and do.

This kept happening more frequently to me recently. I've just started a new job this year in HR, something I've not really done before, but is a great opportunity and I've no doubt it will be challenging. I applied for it on a whim and didn't think I would get it, so when I was offered the role I was excited but then that pesky low self-esteem started to creep in.. "Do you really think you can handle a job like this? You're rubbish at speaking to people and you've got a job in HR?! You won't last, you'll end up making stupid mistakes, you're not confident enough for this, everyone will be judging you." And that's just the start of it.

I was fed up of it. My low self-esteem is not as bad as it used to be thanks to many-a-counselling session, but every now and then, that negative voice creeps in again telling me I'm not good enough. 

So, I've made a few.. I don't want to say resolutions (because I never stick to those), but lifestyle changes. Changes in my way of thinking. To help me on my way to pushing myself and becoming more confident, I joined the gym, and I'm happy to say I have stuck at it. I know.. I know, it's only been 12 days, but the change inside me is amazing. I feel like I have more energy, I feel more positive and productive throughout the day. It doesn't only help me physically, but mentally too. Those endorphins are bloody marvellous. Don't get me wrong, I get extremely self-conscious when I'm in there and only end up doing half a workout sometimes, because I think everyone is watching me. I know they're not. They couldn't care less if my lunge was a little bit wobbly, or my squat wasn't deep enough. I'm sure they are more focused on working on themselves to judge how out of breath I get from being on the cross trainer for two minutes. 

A massive challenge for me is meeting new groups of people. I'm fine one-to-one, but when there is a small group I start to feel a bit panicky and conscious about what I say for fear of making a fool of myself . Every job I've been in I have found it's taken me a month or so, to really settle in and relax before I can be myself, because I don't know anyone and it cripples me. So much so, that people always seem to comment on it after a few months, "You were so quiet when you first started, you were like a different person!"

In this job now, not only am I working with a new team of people, but it's people in senior positions to me on the most part, which makes it even more daunting. I try to push myself out of my comfort zone each day whilst in work. Even if it's something little, such as making the effort to say hello and speak to someone I don't know. Typing this sounds absolutely absurd, I'm 22 and I struggle to muster up a conversation with someone? 

I wish I was naturally confident in social situations like many of my friends are. I wish I could be that girl who makes friends really easily with her charm, wit  and well-timed jokes from the get-go. I wish I could walk round confidently with a friendly smile on my face all the time rather than having to deal with resting bitch face because my brain is worrying about whether everyone noticed that weird waddle I did a minute ago when I walked past them. 

But I'm not that person, and that's ok. As long as I'm pushing myself, and allowing myself to grow each and everyday I'll be the best version of me I can.

Lucy x