FOMO and my purpose

Has anyone ever experienced the stress of FOMO? The cognitive dissonance experienced when you really don’t want to miss out on seeing Barbara take down ten jagerbombs in Magaluf and then attempt to win a twerking competition by awkwardly thrusting the air whilst screaming #YOLO…

but at the same time you’d much rather be cuddled up in your Christmas onesie with your dog and bingewatching another Netflix Original series.

FOMO happens to me on a weekly basis. Of course, I want to go out and be a social butterfly. I want to dress up and transform myself into “Weekend Lucy”(it’s kind of like my drag queen alter ego, except my make-up looks shit, and unlike me most drag queens can last in a pair of six-inch stilettos). Living in a city makes it so much harder when there are so many fun events and opportunities to take up and although I’m all for trying new things and socialising, sometimes we just need to slow things down and remember it’s ok to say no to doing something. The reason I bring this up, is because as of late I have felt exhausted and it’s a constant battle trying to balance work and trying to have a social life too.

Over the years, I’ve found it seems to be impressive, if you tell people how busy you are and all the events you have planned. It makes you seem like you have “purpose”. Purpose seems to be a major thing for people to have, particularly in their 20s. When someone asks you, “What are you doing with yourself?”, “Where do you plan to be in the next few years?”, “Do you still live at home?”. All these questions, yet what they are really asking is how much do you have your shit together. I for one, am happy to admit that I don’t know what I am doing with my life. I have no idea what I will be doing in five years’ time. And do you know what? I like it, I like not knowing what will happen with my future. It makes me feel like anything could be possible. All I know is what I’m passionate about right now, one of those things is this blog.

I turn 24 next month and it only feels like yesterday that I was a fresh-faced 18 year-old with bright, bleach blonde hair dancing away, with my main worry being about whether all my friends would get into the bar with me when they forgot their IDs. I will not mention names.  These days, I feel there is pressure to save for a mortgage, buy a house, be dating or in a relationship, be in a career, have a degree. And that’s a lot of pressure for one person to have.

I guess the take-home message for me is do what makes you happy. I’m enjoying life at the moment and I don’t think I’ve achieved any of the above. Now that’s not me bashing people who have bought their own homes, that takes discipline and it is impressive, but it’s not everyone’s idea of happiness. People can get too caught up about worrying about how their future will be shaped that they forget to live for the now. Do things that make you feel empowered, passionate and smile. Want to go to that pole dancing class? GO FOR IT. Want to go to see that film no-one else wants to see? DO IT AND TREAT YOURSELF TO AN EXTRA LARGE TANGO ICEBLAST.  Or maybe you just want to sit in and read a good book? THATS FINE TOO, I RECOMMEND KAFKA ON THE SHORE FYI. I think you get my point and I’ll finish with a quote of one of my favourite writers when I was a child, Roald Dahl, “If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely”.

I just love GIFs ok?

Thanks for reading

Lucy x

Fear - The Time Thief

So this is an attempt at a poem although I'm not entirely sure if it counts as one... Nevertheless here we are. I am trying to make some of my posts more upbeat, and what's more uplifting than a poem about superheroes?

Fear - The Time Thief

Fear is the evil villain you see in the movies

It’s the feeling you get when you talk passionately about doing something

But yet, it never happens

Fear is what prevents that tiny spark

From bursting into a fireball

Instead it flickers and struggles to stay ignited

Fear keeps you within your comfort zone

It stunts your growth whilst you grow into a reclusive

Fear itself can be generous when it wants to be

It gives countless excuses and regrets

Whilst, in turn taking opportunities and stealing precious moments

Fear can make you feel like you will live forever

It’s cruel in this way as it snatches your time

And before you know it you’re thinking

Thinking about all those things you didn’t do

But it’s too late now as you hear Fear’s mocking laughter

It doesn’t need to be this way

For like Kryptonite to Superman - Fear also has a weakness

“Fuck It” is its enemy and “Determination” the sidekick

Their motto? “What’s the worst that can happen?”

They work together to fight doubts and battle worry

And with that change in mindset, things become easier

Life becomes more exciting

Opportunities become limitless

People’s opinions mean less to you now

Whilst you become kinder to yourself

And those around you

And so, the adventures begin.

A visual interpretation of Fear

Thanks for reading

Lucy x

It's ok, not to be ok

Where do I start…. So I finally shared my blog properly on Facebook after much encouragement from my nearest and dearest. Although this blog was already public I’d never properly advertised that I had it. It was a scary moment for me, as people would finally be able to read and critique my writing. And made all the more scarier that I write about more personal, sensitive topics. With my “fuck it, let’s see what happens” attitude I have seem to have quickly adopted I posted it to my Facebook profile.

The response I got was quite overwhelming to say the least, I had a few different people message me talking about their experiences and people who thought they knew me well, who were quite shocked as they never even knew that I’d had depression in the past. I guess that just shows how easy it is to cover up.

It did sadden me to think that people do experience depression and anxiety, but don’t really talk to anyone about it and I guess one thing that I’m proud of regarding this blog is that it has got people talking or thinking about it. I have found that so many people just think they have to remain positive and keep up appearances as it were, but it’s so important to be able to talk to someone if you are having a shitty time. And even if you don’t want to speak to someone you know, there are charities out there like the Samaritans.

I was a listening volunteer for Samaritans for a short while, and the training that goes into doing that role is unbelievable. I think a lot of people assume that the Samaritans is for people who are suicidal, which partly it is, but you can still call them if you’re just struggling or feeling down – you don’t have to feel suicidal. They have lots of information and are able to signpost you to other external agencies depending on what the issue is, if needs be. The fastest response you will get is by calling them but you can text, e-mail, post a letter or pop into the Samaritans branch too. I found e-mailing the best option for me as it gave me time to get all my thoughts down in one go.

If you’re lucky enough to have someone you trust and can confide in however, do it. The way I see it, talking about these issues will have a domino effect and more and more people will start to feel more comfortable to talk about them. So, next time if a friend is asking you how you’re doing, its ok to say that you’re not ok!

In my opinion, being “strong” isn’t about who can smile the longest and “grin and bear it” as it were. It’s about the person who is willing to express how they really feel and acknowledge when they are having a tough time and then looks to do something to change it. 

Gossip Girl Appreciation GIF

I just want to say thanks again for everyone’s feedback, regarding this blog. I will be looking to do some more posts on different topics. I’m currently trying to work a DSLR camera (pray for me), so hopefully will be able to get some of my own photos on here too from when I go on my travels, outings etc and also bits of fictional writing I’ve been working on and maybe even some poetry! I’m currently in the early stages of a project that’s ongoing too which I can’t wait to share with you... So many ideas I think I may just implode.

Thanks for reading.

Lucy x