Self-dependent women

What are the differences between being independent and self-dependent?

Moody picture of me looking independent as fuck.

As quoted from the good old Oxford dictionary, being independent means to be “capable of thinking or acting for oneself”.  Being self-dependent is defined as “reliance on one’s own strengths rather than others”. So, not a massive difference, but there is of course, a difference nonetheless.

I moved out when I was 19, so I think it’s safe to say that by now I am quite independent. Self-dependency, however, has been more difficult to grasp. The need to sponge of others to fulfil my emotional needs is something I am not a stranger to, whether that be through a boyfriend, family member or a friend. I’m lucky in the fact that I have some great friends who have handled my neediness in the past.

I’m in a situation now where my family and closest friends aren’t five minutes down the road for me to see whenever I want or at the end of the phone constantly – and that’s hard. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come on leaps and bounds from years ago where I felt I needed reassurance within everything I did which I think was a result of my anxiety. It’s like I needed someone else’s approval to do something whether it be wearing a particular outfit that for me is quite daring (just wear the goddamn thing) or trying to get other people to help make decisions about my life, because I was too scared to take the risk on my own.

I am the only person who can create my happiness, for which others can then enrich. If I constantly rely on others, I will never be happy. I see and hear about so many people who wanted to do something (myself included), but were waiting for a partner or a friend to get on board. A big one, is travelling. If you do get to go travelling with your best friends, that’s great and you’re very lucky, but not everyone’s stars align at the same time. Not everyone’s circumstances are going to be the same whether that be due to finances, their job, family etc.

We only one get one life and I’m already around third of the way through mine. When I’m old, I want to look back and know that I chose my own story – I didn’t just tag along onto someone else’s. 

Lucy x