It’s been a while since I last posted. My studies, work and
life in general happened and something had to give. It’s a shame it had to be
one of the things I was most passionate about.
I’ve been feeling rather deflated the past few weeks. A lack
of sleep, mixed with excessive alcohol consumption (after a week of partying in
Marbella), an abundance of caffeine filled drinks and the stress of an exam
deadline has proved to be too much for me it seems. I can tell by the flatness
in my voice when I speak to people, my heightened irritability, my lack of
appetite and energy that I’m not myself. I feel exhausted.
I need to remember that it can’t be sunshine and roses all
the time and that depression isn’t just something you defeat for it never to
return again. Today is the first day, that I’ve sat down and acknowledged that
I don’t feel myself and that I have been feeling low – but there is nothing wrong with that. And so,
I’ve spent the day in bed feeling a bit miserable, but for me that is part of
the process. You can’t always just *pick* yourself back up straight away.
Now that I have got a break from my studies, I decided I’m
going to focus more on my physical and mental well-being. Part of this plan
includes not drinking alcohol for at least 30 days. This may seem easy for some
people, but when drinking becomes such a common social activity it can be
difficult to get away from. I don’t want this to be misinterpreted, or to come
across as if I am an alcoholic – I’m far from it, but I’m getting tired of the
heavy weekends out with friends and then ending up wasting the next day and
eating rubbish, because I’m too hungover. It will be interesting to see what
reaction this gets as I know it will be too easy to be labelled “boring” for
trying this out.
The second part of my plan is to be outdoors more, go for
walks, try to attend yoga classes, even if it is just once a week. I’m trying
not to give myself unrealistic goals and so I feel like I need to make my goals
quite basic to begin with. Eventually, I want to see how much money I actually
save by not spending money on jagerbombs that give me horrific palpitations the
next day. The money that I do save, I plan on booking a few personal training
sessions to kickstart my healthier lifestyle. I’m sure many will read this,
particularly people close to me well that will probably think this is just a
phase, but I really do want to better myself.
I apologise if this post isn’t as engaging and if there is a
lack of a “playful” tone, but whilst I felt like this I thought it would be a
good chance to write and to acknowledge that everyone has peaks and troughs.
The important thing is to talk to people and let them know how you are feeling.
Don’t ever think you are burdening someone by telling them how you’re having a
shit time as if it’s someone who truly cares about you they will want you to
tell them. It doesn’t even need to be a big, scary conversation. I just went
through to my Mum when she was watching Coronation Street (obviously this
depends on how passionate your parents are about watching the soaps – luckily
she has Sky+) and told her that I was feeling run down, stressed out, that I
didn’t feel myself and to be honest she said she could tell before I even told
her.
It’s good to know that I can have such a normal conversation
with her about it, and I feel grateful as I know it’s still such a taboo
subject for some. People just don’t feel comfortable getting into conversation
with someone when they say they are unhappy. I know I sound like a broken
record, but the power of talking, no – even more importantly the power of
listening is incredible.
Thanks for reading, hopefully my next post will return to it’s original GIF-filled, sarcastic self.
Lucy x
