Although it’s sad to admit, I can’t be the only person that
has felt, at times, that to be happy I need to be in a relationship and with
someone. As a 20-something, I am guilty of serial dating, since the age of 16 I
have been in relationships, and when I wasn’t, I was going on dates hoping to
find my next victim Mr Right. I never really gave myself the opportunity
to be alone, in a way, I think I was scared of it.
It saddens me to think that throughout my life, the only
time I really felt “happy” was when I was validated by a man. I never once
thought that, that validation could come from me. I have just come out of a
relationship and although it ended mutually, I started to feel the pangs of
fear of how I would now cope being alone. Not having that one person to call or
text early hours of the morning, to cuddle with or to complete all the plans
that you had made together was overwhelming.
Following the breakup, I went out with one of my friends to
get really drunk and let my hair down as most young women typically do. After
some tequila shots and cocktails, I was feeling positively tipsy and my friend
and I ended up dancing the night away, singing and generally just being silly as below.
In
the back of my mind, the night could have gone a completely different way.
Whilst nursing my bruised ego and trying to accept the fact I was now single, I
could have tried to impress some overconfident, befuddled gentleman. I could
have then faced the risk of rejection or I could have sought the temporary validation
that I felt I needed from someone else.
It felt empowering, to internally feel that I didn’t care if
I had any attention from the opposite sex and felt comfortable enough to be
alone and feel “single” if that makes sense! Once you start to care less, you
take the power away from anyone else to try and fulfil your own happiness. I
now felt that I could start making myself happy and all the while learn to be
happy on my own.
I’ve started to think about all the possibilities and
opportunities I could create for myself such as travelling. I’ve found when in
a relationship a lot of time is spent in the “relationship bubble” where it’s
all too easy to get comfortable to the point where you start to see your
friends less and you end up doing the same things week in, week out with your
partner. This would be the perfect opportunity for me to work on myself, maybe
try a new hobby now I have time to fill which was originally spent in that
bubble. I feel the more things I try, the more I’ll get to know myself, it will
give me the opportunity to meet new people and it will help shape what I want for
my future. The possibilities seem endless!
So, here I am, I’m single. Not ready to mingle. But ready to
better and love myself – and have a bloody good time doing it.
Lucy x
