It's time for us to have the talk... I've been meaning to do it for a while, but keep putting it off as I don't want to embarass you... or me come to think of it.
Talking about sex doesn't have to be uncomfortable, so let's chat.
I've just gotten back from the Sexual Health Clinic. The place where everyone sits with their heads down and eyes to the floor. Practically performing a miming act for the receptionist in the hope no one recognises them whilst fearing that Septa Unella is going to turn up with her bell of shame and order them to march down the corridor in front of everyone as they make their way to the nurse's office.
The reason I was there today was because I needed to get my old contraceptive implant removed, and a new one fitted. My trusty hormonal steed had reached his expiry date and was to be evicted from the comfort of my flabby arm ASAP. I waited patiently in the waiting room with my friend who was also coincidentally seeking advice about her contraception. Whilst, we were waiting there was a couple behind me and the woman was doing that whisper that is so loud she might as well have just spoken freely and saved herself the effort. Her exact words being "Why is the NHS so shit", "That woman has been in already and she has just gone back in", "So, they've seen 4 people in 1 hour". Now, I've always been passionate about the NHS, granted, recent events have probably fired up my passion further, but something about her comments really irritated me. This wasn't just a passing comment, she spoke about this at length. The NHS had suddenly become the younger sibling I never had, how dare she speak badly about it!? I had to defend it.
So, in my most passive aggressive manner, I started to discuss with my friend how great the NHS was... "Hmmm, I wonder how much it would cost in America for me to get the implant, boy am I glad I've got the NHS so I can get it for free". (By the way, we googled this in the waiting area... turns out up to $1300 to get the implant inserted and up to $300 to get it removed. Yes, you can get health insurance, but even that can still be expensive - check Consumer Reports for ideas on cost). The funny thing is, when this woman so high on her pedestal was eventually called by the nurse, she spent the same length of time in the clinic with them, if not longer, as the people before her. Oh, the hypocrisy.
I was eventually called by a lovely nurse called Steve. He was friendly, put me at ease by basically taking the piss out of the fact I worked in HR, and expressed how disappointed he was by the first Queen album (we'll put our differences aside Steve). Now, I choose to have the implant as it suits my lifestyle - I forget to take the pill, the injection caused me to have a period every other week and so the implant was the third contraception I tried and settled on. It's probably important to point out at this stage that not one contraception will suit everyone's bodies and people will react differently. Here's a list of a few different types of contraception you can try (this list isn't exhaustive) and the benefits of each taken from the NHS website. More information can be found here.
Contraceptive Implant
Pros
- More than 99% effective
- Once fitted, it doesn't need replacing for 3 years
- Good for women who can't use contraception that contains oestrogen
- Can leave some bruising and tenderness on your arm when initially inserted
- Can sometimes stop your periods altogether
- Doesn't protect against STIs
"Here's one I made earlier..." The one I had removed today, around 4cm long.
Contraceptive Injection
Pros
- If used correctly, it's more than 99% effective
- Lasts 8-13 weeks, so you don't have to think about contraception every time you have sex
- Good for women who can't use contraception that contains oestrogen
Cons
- It involves getting an injection in your arse... may be a con to some
- Can take up to 1 year for fertility to return to normal after the injection wears off
- Doesn't protect against STIs
Combined Pill
Pros
- When taken correctly, it's more than 99% effective
- Can make periods lighter and less painful
- Can reduce symptoms of PMS
- It can help reduce acne
- You have to remember to take it at the same time everyday
- It can increase your blood pressure
- May be some temporary side effects at first i.e. headaches, breast tenderness
- Doesn't protect against STIs
Intrauterine device (IUD AKA the coil)
Pros
- Can be more than 99% effective
- There are no hormonal side effects
- It protects against pregnancy for 5-10 years depending on the type
Cons
- It can feel uncomfortable when fitting the coil (the coil is inserted through the cervix and into the womb)
- Periods may become heavier, longer or more painful, though this may improve over a few months
- Doesn't protect against STIs
Male Condoms
Pros
- 98% effective when used correctly
- Help prevent STIs
- No medical side effects
- Easy to get hold of
- Some couples find using condoms can interrupt sex
- They sometimes may split or tear if not used properly
- Some people may have allergies to latex or spermicides
I get that most people will already have their preference of contraception, but not everyone knows about the options available to them and what each one entails. There's a a contraception tool on the Brook website to help advise what the best type of contraception may be for you. I hope this helps inform everyone what is available and remember, it is both sexual partners responsibility to ensure they have safer sex. I'm not gonna lie, I felt like a bit of badass walking out of the clinic with this bandage on my arm... I even asked for a sling to gain more sympathy from my boyfriend, but got told that was overkill. I got a commiserating look from Paul when I got home and he offered me a custard cream - I guess that will have to do.
Lucy x
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