You should go and love yourself: Learning how to be happy on your own

Although it’s sad to admit, I can’t be the only person that has felt, at times, that to be happy I need to be in a relationship and with someone. As a 20-something, I am guilty of serial dating, since the age of 16 I have been in relationships, and when I wasn’t, I was going on dates hoping to find my next victim Mr Right. I never really gave myself the opportunity to be alone, in a way, I think I was scared of it.

It saddens me to think that throughout my life, the only time I really felt “happy” was when I was validated by a man. I never once thought that, that validation could come from me. I have just come out of a relationship and although it ended mutually, I started to feel the pangs of fear of how I would now cope being alone. Not having that one person to call or text early hours of the morning, to cuddle with or to complete all the plans that you had made together was overwhelming.

Following the breakup, I went out with one of my friends to get really drunk and let my hair down as most young women typically do. After some tequila shots and cocktails, I was feeling positively tipsy and my friend and I ended up dancing the night away, singing and generally just being silly as below.

In the back of my mind, the night could have gone a completely different way. Whilst nursing my bruised ego and trying to accept the fact I was now single, I could have tried to impress some overconfident, befuddled gentleman. I could have then faced the risk of rejection or I could have sought the temporary validation that I felt I needed from someone else.

It felt empowering, to internally feel that I didn’t care if I had any attention from the opposite sex and felt comfortable enough to be alone and feel “single” if that makes sense! Once you start to care less, you take the power away from anyone else to try and fulfil your own happiness. I now felt that I could start making myself happy and all the while learn to be happy on my own.

I’ve started to think about all the possibilities and opportunities I could create for myself such as travelling. I’ve found when in a relationship a lot of time is spent in the “relationship bubble” where it’s all too easy to get comfortable to the point where you start to see your friends less and you end up doing the same things week in, week out with your partner. This would be the perfect opportunity for me to work on myself, maybe try a new hobby now I have time to fill which was originally spent in that bubble. I feel the more things I try, the more I’ll get to know myself, it will give me the opportunity to meet new people and it will help shape what I want for my future. The possibilities seem endless!

As the old saying goes you should love yourself before you start looking for love. Before having this change in mindset, I did find I probably stayed in some of my relationships longer than I should have, just due to the fact that I didn’t want to be alone. I felt that, that would have made me unhappy, whereas ultimately, I already was.

So, here I am, I’m single. Not ready to mingle. But ready to better and love myself – and have a bloody good time doing it. 

Lucy x