Peaks and troughs

It’s been a while since I last posted. My studies, work and life in general happened and something had to give. It’s a shame it had to be one of the things I was most passionate about.

I’ve been feeling rather deflated the past few weeks. A lack of sleep, mixed with excessive alcohol consumption (after a week of partying in Marbella), an abundance of caffeine filled drinks and the stress of an exam deadline has proved to be too much for me it seems. I can tell by the flatness in my voice when I speak to people, my heightened irritability, my lack of appetite and energy that I’m not myself. I feel exhausted.

I need to remember that it can’t be sunshine and roses all the time and that depression isn’t just something you defeat for it never to return again. Today is the first day, that I’ve sat down and acknowledged that I don’t feel myself and that I have been feeling low –  but there is nothing wrong with that. And so, I’ve spent the day in bed feeling a bit miserable, but for me that is part of the process. You can’t always just *pick* yourself back up straight away.

Now that I have got a break from my studies, I decided I’m going to focus more on my physical and mental well-being. Part of this plan includes not drinking alcohol for at least 30 days. This may seem easy for some people, but when drinking becomes such a common social activity it can be difficult to get away from. I don’t want this to be misinterpreted, or to come across as if I am an alcoholic – I’m far from it, but I’m getting tired of the heavy weekends out with friends and then ending up wasting the next day and eating rubbish, because I’m too hungover. It will be interesting to see what reaction this gets as I know it will be too easy to be labelled “boring” for trying this out.

The second part of my plan is to be outdoors more, go for walks, try to attend yoga classes, even if it is just once a week. I’m trying not to give myself unrealistic goals and so I feel like I need to make my goals quite basic to begin with. Eventually, I want to see how much money I actually save by not spending money on jagerbombs that give me horrific palpitations the next day. The money that I do save, I plan on booking a few personal training sessions to kickstart my healthier lifestyle. I’m sure many will read this, particularly people close to me well that will probably think this is just a phase, but I really do want to better myself.

I apologise if this post isn’t as engaging and if there is a lack of a “playful” tone, but whilst I felt like this I thought it would be a good chance to write and to acknowledge that everyone has peaks and troughs. The important thing is to talk to people and let them know how you are feeling. Don’t ever think you are burdening someone by telling them how you’re having a shit time as if it’s someone who truly cares about you they will want you to tell them. It doesn’t even need to be a big, scary conversation. I just went through to my Mum when she was watching Coronation Street (obviously this depends on how passionate your parents are about watching the soaps – luckily she has Sky+) and told her that I was feeling run down, stressed out, that I didn’t feel myself and to be honest she said she could tell before I even told her.

It’s good to know that I can have such a normal conversation with her about it, and I feel grateful as I know it’s still such a taboo subject for some. People just don’t feel comfortable getting into conversation with someone when they say they are unhappy. I know I sound like a broken record, but the power of talking, no – even more importantly the power of listening is incredible.

Thanks for reading, hopefully my next post will return to it’s original GIF-filled, sarcastic self.

Lucy x